Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
