fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
