does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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