You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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