Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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