Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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