Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
