i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
