Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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