How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
