I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
