Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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