He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
