its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
