I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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