she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
