I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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