Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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