so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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