So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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