omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
