pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she peed on how many people?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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