She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
