you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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