My Higher Power is John Stamos
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
