Moan for me like Helen Keller
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
