escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
