I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
