I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
