I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
