Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
