my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
