So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
