R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
