we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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