Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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