So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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