Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
