Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
