Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
