He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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