Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
