What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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