i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
