i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
