so that wasnt chicken after all
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
