i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
