I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
