I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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