I feel great
I just peed on a car
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
