hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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