Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
