ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
