I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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