is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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