Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
