Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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