I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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