I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
