At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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