Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I licked your asshole in confidence.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
